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I HAVE ONE SON WHOM I DON'T OWN​..

       I have one son whom I don’t own, yet responsible for. I saw him an embryo, I heard his heart beats, I have pictures for him during his geneses stages, and videos for his movements in his mother's womb. I was there at the moment he was delivered. My first thought and everlasting dream and prayer is to lend him to the Lord. We went with the first night, first smile, first word, first nail and hair cut, first step, first year, first day at the nursery then at school.. but I see him a young man, a man and a man of God by faith..

       I do take decisions for him only when he can’t, but I also share with him my thoughts, feelings and experiences. I try my best to do him the minimum I can, to put him into life as fast as he can, this is my attitude towards him though all our life's journey. Sometimes I do childish selfish things to balance him being a single child. Few days ago he was convincing me to make the right choice, and then he told me: "you know what? I feel like I'm the father!!" Yes other times I even do stupid things to test his maturity and understanding. I share with him so many situations, challenges, threats, problems and business issues. I let him think and let him express his opinions and ideas, and we discuss them in a very constructive way. Those small creatures didn't jump in a box yet to jump out of it; they are very creative, open and crazy enough to break all the rules, and patterns we limit ourselves into.

      We build our two-way trust but also I shake his trust in me sometimes, as I know that I'm not trust worthy. I tell him that no one is trustworthy but God. We play football, although I hate it. We have a very high level of communication and understanding, a level that so many times saves us a lot of dialogues, and cuts the story short. Eye contacts happen tens of times every day, we turn to look at each other at the same moment even if we are in two different rooms. That look says a lot; understanding,  joy, complement, love, complain, permission, thanks, sorry, blame, respect, order or even a trick setup on mom to be done. I take him with me wherever it is possible, I like his company. I deal with him as a man since he was one day old.​

       Usually I don't give him orders, but share with him the decision making. I give him responsibilities to let him be able to respond. I admit that most of the points he struggles in are those I pushed, ordered or pressed to be done without giving him the space to grasp and do them thoughtfully. While he was a baby he didn't pronounce a word unless it is right, likes to play with words; later while he was less than three years he started to use his verbal, logical and mental abilities to negotiate, explain, convince anybody with his point of view. Like his whole generation, his blood contains red, white and technology cells. He reads a lot, very much talented in writing. He also loves numbers; by the age of three, he memorized ages of tens of people, playing the bigger than/smaller than game and still calculates their ages till now. Leading character, decisive,  junior talented photographer and adores music.​

       I never told him that I was the first in class as I was far away from it, also I never asked him to be the best in class but I encourage him to do his best, and this made him one of the top. Our usual fight is that he gets disappointed when he does not achieve the full mark and I tell him "for me it does not matter, what you achieved is so much satisfying to me". I don't ask him to study and I fight with his mother to reduce the time he spends studying, I want him to be balanced in all aspects of life. I talk to him, I challenge him, motivate him and guide him, sometimes I put him under pressure to stretch his abilities. I never asked him to be like anyone, nor asked him to be like me, I know that he is unique enough to be himself. He is very emotional; by the age of four he had his first love story, by that time I said we have a four years teenager, yes I found myself pushed to tell him on his white board about the life partner definition and how does the person choose his life partner and to whom should I say the word "I love you".​

       I try to reduce the number of "NOs" I say to him, there are enough things I'd rather keep those "NOs" for down the road, so I don't withdraw too much of them for nothing. Also I believe so much in learning by trial and error especially when they are recoverable errors. I let him try it, try the pain the loss and the planting and the harvest principle. I get mad so many times whenever I see him disobeying, repeating mistakes, doing stupid things or even evil ones, but I remember and think of how do I do with my heavenly father. There I feel ashamed and how much I'm disobedient to God and how patient our God is!! I put my eyes as much as I can on the difference between to "winning a dignity battle" and to "raise up a son" it is so easy to cheat, lie, shout, beat, order or even shut him up rather than self-control, patience, keeping values, showing model and example, planting habits, building character and personality, discipline and engraving attitude. I never punish him for the first time he does the mistake, regardless of the loss, the value, the size, the hurt, the evil or embarrassing the mistake is. When I punish him I tell him why and what for, I remind him with the warnings that came earlier. Surely no one likes punishments, but he knows that this is for his good. Sometimes I ask him to choose his punishment and I tell you the truth, usually they are hard, tough, serious and strong. I find potential every time he asks me something which I don't know to say loudly and clearly that I don't know; it’s good that he know that I'm not a superman, I work on reducing his expectations to exceed them.​

       We don’t talk only about “How to win?” but also “How to lose?” we talk about how to deal with frustrations, and how to reach real success, improvement, and the ability to achieve, it’s all about how to make it rather than how to fake it. I remember those basics I pulled from a car race and a football game on his computer and the football we play at home.

       It was hard to reveal his mistakes, now it is getting better as he knew that his parents are here to help, support, encourage and to align, this helps to keep the mistakes smaller and controllable, and hopefully keeps the bridges for farther stages where being his friend is a fatal issue.. We read, study and pray; raising up a man is not an easy habitual thing, it does not happen by itself nor by chance, it can't be inherited nor comes with the genes, parenting is the balance between enjoyment and duty, responsibility and pleasure. It is a day to day complicated process and a responsibility that you can't hold it with separation from you creator. It is the three dimensional senses; sense of purpose, sense of direction and sense of eternity.

       I may sadly lose him at any time, but I do look on the times we spent together, amazing years, full of love, friendship, achievements, interactions, tricks,  jokes, talks, inspirations, creativity, touches, intimacy, hugs, growth, experinces and  tons of unforgettable memories. Although I wish to see him a grownup but I enjoy watching him growing up; I love to see him being a man, I enjoy every stage, I miss the stages that are gone, I look forward for the coming stages. I feel guilty for not making the best investment in the past times - although I do talk to him sometimes while he is asleep. I don't feel ashamed when I tell him sorry when needed, but usually I receive a hug saying no don't say sorry. Surely I impacted him negatively hundreds of times, and maybe I was a cause of some deformation that took place in his character unintentionally. I trust my wise Heavenly Father, He is his true Father. This comforts me about the day I'll be gone. I named him as I received my God’s gift to us “Unique - Farid”​

I LOVE HIM​

DAD